Reply to the Diarist: Two Men, One Woman, One Decision

Source: The Cut, Sex Diaries

Published: 2025-10-31

Summary:
A 25-year-old woman in Manhattan is seeing two men. Axel is a wealthy finance guy with bold, “pornographic” sexual energy. Steve works in hospitality and still calls just to hear her voice. She tells herself she’s keeping things open, exploring what feels right. But most of her time is spent navigating guilt and logistics: who gets the birthday invite, who goes apple picking, how she keeps them from overlapping.

Axel brings status and spark. Steve feels like safety. Both bring grrrrrrreat sex. On the surface, she sounds light about it all.

But underneath, there’s a constant hum of hesitation. She says she likes them both too much to choose, yet every day turns into a quiet shuffle of half-truths. She worries one man’s cologne will linger when she sees the other. She edits names before her phone can light up with caller ID. By the end of the week, she’s not giddy. She’s exhausted.

It is not the thrill of having options that stays with her. It is the strain of holding two versions of the truth and pretending they both fit.

My Reply to the Diarist
As I read your diary, I felt a kind of loneliness tucked into stories like this. Not the kind you solve with another body or two, but the kind that comes from confusing attention with intimacy.

I’m not judging you. I remember thinking I was living my “best life” at 25, too.

I feel for anyone caught in this loop, mistaking oxytocin for affection or control for closeness. It hurts to watch people build their whole identity around the parts of themselves they won’t look at, let alone how that impacts others.

There’s nothing freeing about that. Just a lot of noise where the honesty should be.

The ENM Angle:
The diarist never calls herself non-monogamous, but her story circles the same questions that Ethical Non-Monogamy puts front and center: how do you stay honest, free, and caring without losing yourself in the process?

Most of her week goes to managing the invisible threads. Who knows who? What scent might give something away? Which name might pop up in her phone when she’s having sex with someone else? At some point, even desire starts to feel like project management. The rush is real, but so is the drain.

Non-monogamy would not make her life simpler. But it might make it more honest. In the ENM world, choice is not about having more. It is about owning what you do with who you’re with. Freedom is not the only goal. Integrity is right there with it.

It means naming your intentions out loud. It means practicing consent like a shared language, not a task to complete.

And maybe, if she ever let herself move in that direction, she would find that the relief she has been chasing is not about choosing between two men. It is about finally choosing not to lie.

One-Line Takeaway: Freedom that hides the truth is just another kind of cage.