Reply to the Diarist: Rediscovering Pleasure After Divorce
She survived divorce, raised teenagers, and now finds herself wanting again. Two men, one carriage house, and a woman rediscovering her body and her future. A warm, human story of midlife desire returning on its own terms.
Source: The Cut, Sex Diaries
Published: 2025-11-28
Summary:
This week’s diarist is a newly divorced 52-year-old mom in Cobble Hill (that's near Brooklyn, NY.). She wakes at the same time every morning, wrangles her teenagers, and lives a comfortable life. Dating apps bring a mix of curiosity and disbelief, but she’s in the middle of a midlife renaissance: planning trips, laughing with her daughters about their hot (and flatulent) teacher, rediscovering her designer instincts, and slowly letting desire back in after years of emotional distance and sexual frustration.
Her dates with Thomas, the charming British divorcé, and Evan, the boyish creative director, light her up in different ways. But it’s the night in Evan’s carriage house that lingers. She’s not chasing a fairytale, just remembering she has options. The craving for “rockstar sex,” the lonely stretches, the girls asleep down the hall, the carrot cake, the vibrator, the perimenopause talks ... it’s all here. Messy, gorgeous, ordinary life.
My Reply to the Diarist
Diarist, as a divorcee myself, I just want to applaud you! You're living a great, gorgeous post-divorce life ... and you know it. Your relationships with your daughters, the truce with your ex, the lack of drama over his girlfriend, the way you laugh at yourself while rebuilding … it’s beautiful. You don't sound manic or messy, just awake after a long stretch of feeling unseen.
From an ENM lens, I couldn’t help smiling at the “which one should I choose?” moment. HONEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PICK. Desire isn’t a zero-sum game. You're curious, centered, and clearly, both men want more time with you. Let it breathe. Take up space. Have twice as much fun!
I do want to say something about your preoccupation with their junk. Listen. I can tell you first-hand that at 50, pleasure isn’t about what someone’s working with anatomically. Bodies change. Shapes get peculiar. Abilities shift. The most fantastic intimacy at our age comes from imagination, communication, and play, not measurements. Start chasing pleasure, not orgasms.
You're already halfway there, whether you realize it or not.
The ENM Angle:
This diary doesn’t read like a woman “starting over.” It reads like someone finally living out loud and on high volume (to quote Bono.) She’s not exploring polyamory or open marriage, not rewriting her relationship structure. She’s doing something just as profound: allowing herself to live in possibility without shame.
Her draw to two men at once isn’t impulsive; it’s intuitive. Desire after divorce often opens in more than one direction, especially when you’re reconnecting with parts of yourself that have been quiet for years. (Ask me how I know.) What stands out is how naturally she holds it: no catastrophizing, no scarcity spiral, no moral weight. Just letting life court her.
There’s something quietly radical in the emotional world she’s built. Her daughters trust her. Her ex respects her. His new girlfriend doesn’t spark drama. Her family still calls for her design eye. Pleasure isn’t a threat: it’s a visitor she welcomes without interrogation. This is what a healthy transition looks like: not chaos, not rebound, not avoidance. Just expansion.
For anyone who thinks midlife desire shrinks or fades — she’s the living rebuttal.
One-Line Takeaway: When you stop treating pleasure like a problem to solve, your whole life starts to breathe again.
